Divorce Coach

Speaker 0 00:00:10 Hello everybody. This is Adam. Speaker 1 00:00:13 This is Thora. You're listening to autism on shift. We talked to other autistic folks about what we do for work. Speaker 2 00:00:20 We're glad you're with us today. We have a wonderful guest who will now introduce Speaker 1 00:00:29 This week. We're talking to marina. Marina is a divorce coach, and we are excited to learn all about what that means. Marina. Hi, Speaker 3 00:00:38 How are you? Nice to meet you too. Speaker 1 00:00:41 Uh, thanks for coming on the show and talking to us about your job. Can you tell us about your job? What is, how does it look? What do you do? Speaker 3 00:00:49 Um, I am self-employed and I work as a divorce coach. And this is a kind of job that you don't really get a degree in. There is no, you know, if you go to college, there is no, uh, department called divorce coaching. Sure. So it comes from my experience working in different fields and any type of coaching is very close to teaching. So it's, it's sort of a mix of teaching and providing knowledge on, uh, anything that pertains to divorce. I cannot give legal advice to people, uh, but I can, I can inform them in general about the process of a divorce, practical sides, expectations, um, how court may look at this thing or that thing. And, you know, just, just general information because the process is very complex, very expensive. Um, so I provide a lot of, um, practical advice, but just besides that, uh, I also provide emotional support, um, a lot of resources on how to deal with divorce, how to deal with abuse, what to do with kids co-parenting and so on. Oh, wow. Um, yeah, it's a lot. Speaker 2 00:02:08 I can see you having to hand out hugs and also tell people to not use the chainsaw to cut the couch in half because you're splitting everything. Speaker 3 00:02:17 Um, so it's a, it's an interesting job. I really enjoy it. Uh, but it's also very stressful. So, um, I sometimes have to work and facilitate, uh, I call it facilitation, uh, which is very close to mediation where, uh, two partners, uh, separating and, uh, as part of trying to save money and not pay, you know, lawyers, they try to agree on assets division on child custody, uh, and such facilitations are, to me at least extremely stressful because it's an argument at its best and highest. Speaker 2 00:02:54 Oh yeah. It's a difficult situation. A lot of emotions involved in it and it's, it's a serious life-changing event, so I can, for sure I can. And you're the one having to stay in the middle of it and make it all good. That's a, it's an impressive feat. Speaker 3 00:03:11 Yeah. Yeah. It's uh, I feel like it's, it's all of the skills that I got through the years of doing different jobs. A lot of it is teaching because I, um, uh, you know, I worked in education for over 20 years, uh, and I worked with at risk youth and learn how to deal with behavioral issues and how to make people listen to me or kids, um, as well as I have my own two of my own. So, uh, that definitely helps. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:03:43 I could see that for sure. Yeah. That's a lot of stuff. So we're were talking about a lot of the skills that you've developed over the years. What were some of the other ones? I'm just curious since Speaker 3 00:03:53 I was, um, 18 and I'm over 40 right now, I've done a lot of different things. I've done. I worked for TV, I've done modeling. Uh, I've worked for a military, um, a lot of temp agencies where they would sent me, you know, two weeks at a hotel, uh, in human resources and then four weeks in a psych ward. So a lot of those, uh, skills sort of key with live experiences, um, mostly how to deal with people, um, how to, uh, sort of be able to navigate in social situations. So I learned a lot that, a lot of that, um, Speaker 1 00:04:38 Can I ask and, and tell me if you're not like at Liberty to discuss some of these things, so feel free to just say that if you, if you need to, um, but what was like the easiest transition from married to divorce that you have dealt with? Was it, was there any that were just somewhat easy, like they both disagreed and went on their way? Speaker 3 00:04:58 Um, so you're talking about facilitation for people, right? Yeah. Okay. Um, so there are different types of divorces. There are obviously people who are just mature enough to understand that their relationships don't work anymore, and both of them decided to separate, but they want to, uh, make sure it's done correctly. So they don't kind of fall into blame and shame and, you know, anger and all of that. So they, they hire people professionals, and that can be done by a lawyer only it will cost you about 400, 500 an hour. You can do mediate mediator, a divorce coach, a therapist, and so on. Um, so those couples who are mature enough and already made a decision, both of them, that this is the end, unfortunately that's the way we're going. And we're really want to keep the relationships sort of civil, or if there are any kids on waltz, we really want to concentrate on kids and, and make co-parenting work. Speaker 3 00:06:06 Uh, those are the easiest cases. Oh, good. A very small percentage, unfortunately, at least from my experience. Um, and, and this is often because they, they they're just able to agree between themselves and they don't need a lot of professionals or they need just a little bit of help. Um, but I've had cases like this where we would have only an hour and a half facilitation session and that's it. Right. Wow. And they also have clients who they've been with me for two, three years, and they're still not divorced. So it's a spectrum. Uh, and it really depends on, I mean, obviously people have issues in the relationship. They will continue to have them. And a lot of times I tell people that when w when you get divorced, it doesn't mean that this is the end of the relationship. It's just the relationship just changes form because your ex-husband or your ex-wife, or any ex partner is going to affect you even after the divorce. So, um, sometimes, um, I had one client who, um, is actually a current client, and this is her second divorce with me. So, unfortunately, yeah. So, so I have a lot of, uh, very interesting cases. Speaker 2 00:07:28 It's, it's, it's kinda funny how it's, uh, it's um, yeah. A repeat client and, oh, that's actually, that's really unfortunate though, but it's interesting how that works. So you're just one Speaker 1 00:07:41 Of those rare businesses where you do not want repeat business. Right. Definitely. Speaker 3 00:07:45 And I tell people, uh, if we only have one session and you don't come back, that's success. Right. For me, especially as a professional yeah. Speaker 2 00:07:55 With the, as difficult as your job is, um, what are your favorite parts of what you do? Speaker 3 00:08:03 Um, what do I enjoy? I always enjoyed facilitation. I always did. They've been, since I was a small kid, you know, I would, I would see kids arguing. I'm like, wait a second. You telling me your story, you telling me your story. And then I've kind of helped, uh, helped kids figure things out. That's awesome. Um, I enjoy analyzing situations and that's also part of the job. So I, I work individually as well, and I offer situational analysis where a person would call me and tell me, like, this is what's going on in my family. Like, I have no idea what this is. I think I just need to file for divorce and I can analyze it. I am not a therapist and I can not be a therapist, but, um, I, you know, psychology is one of hobbies. I read a lot of books in psychology, so I can help them figure things out. Speaker 3 00:09:01 Then I would suggest, I think this is because this is what's happening, or that is because this is what's happening. You need to see this type of psychologist. You need to see maybe a cop to do some couples therapy. So I give suggestions to people and resources for, from that analysis. So that's what I really enjoy in these situations. When people hire me, I can tell them, uh, you know, what is happening and predict from the behavior of both parties, how it will look like, or how you're, you know, soon to be ex-husband ex-wife ex partner is going to react to this thing that you're trying to do right now. And if we put, if we offered this thing to him, he probably will do it or her or whoever, right. He probably will do. And I use he, because majority of my clients, I would say 99% of female. Um, so, you know, and this is what the partner's gonna do if, if you do this thing so I can predict and, uh, prepare my clients better for certain situations. That makes sense. Speaker 4 00:10:14 That's awesome. Speaker 1 00:10:16 So let's talk about, like, how do you feel about what you do? What, like you, you like it, and, and it's, it's, it's helpful to other people, so it's, uh, it's cool, but what does it, how does it feel when you do this? Speaker 3 00:10:29 So when I asked the question, how I feel about working for myself and doing what I do, uh, I kind of tell him, like, do you know, like that feeling when you're really high? Like, you feel like elated and excited. So I, that's an indicator for me that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Uh, something that I like. So when I finish working with clients, I get that feeling that natural high, when I'm driving home and I'm like singing, and I'm like, um, and I've mentioned that I used to teach and I would get this feeling, I would say 70% of the time, because the other 30% I had to deal with admin and silly, uh, I probably wouldn't even say stupid rules imposed onto teachers and students. Um, but when I worked for myself and I, I coach people, I get that feeling a lot more often. Speaker 3 00:11:30 That's awesome. And of course, I always get difficult clients as well. And sometimes things are not successful, um, which is fine because I also learned from all those situations. And I always tell my clients that, um, I don't know everything. I'm not the walking dictionary and I don't know everything. And there are situations when ask me and I tell them, I don't know about, but I will research and find out. So I really liked that aspect of the job is because I'm constantly learning and the variety is important for me as well. Um, that's what w kind of was on the downside about teaching for me, I used to teach kids, uh, for a while. I taught ESL to newcomer students. So they didn't really know anything. So it was a lot of, a lot of classes, like say banana, you know, so it gets very, um, repetitive and boring because it's the same thing over and over again. And was this job variety keeps my interest. Yeah. That's, that's a common Speaker 1 00:12:36 Theme in our guests is people just want to keep learning. Speaker 3 00:12:42 Yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's, that's something that, um, always attracted me. And I think that, that's why I wasn't like too devastated about changing jobs every two years, because I was like, well, let's say that I have to leave all these issues happened, but at the same time I'm doing this new cool thing. So, um, totally. Yeah. Speaker 2 00:13:08 You can get a lot out of that from a place to place thrown us all about that. I tend to stay up. The hardest Speaker 1 00:13:13 Part though, is when you have all these different random things, trying to piece it together as like a set of skills on a resume, Speaker 2 00:13:21 Because other people can get, uh, get a feel for your skills. Like when you actually get the job, it's pretty obvious. You, you know, you bring a lot to the table when you've had a lot of these different things in your past, but putting them yeah, you're right. Putting it on Speaker 1 00:13:35 A resume, but yeah, but when you say like, oh, I worked, you know, I worked as a, as a chef and then I went and I worked as a, you know, construction worker. And then I worked as a, you know, if you have like things that are so different, people don't know how to put together the skill sets that come from those things that just think, oh, you know, this job equals this and that job equals that. But like, there's, if you like outline it for them, you outline Speaker 3 00:14:00 It for them. That's what I used to do. So before divorce coaching, and I didn't become a divorce coach right away, it kind of transitioned for me. Uh, but writing resumes for people was part of my job before, because I started as an educational consultant and I was helping people, um, either finding schools for their kids, uh, because the system of education is very complex and my personal specialties non-traditional traditional education. So anything that's alternative is up my alley. And, and then that sort of transitioned into helping kids getting into colleges. And then I got, uh, uh, you know, clients who were immigrants, I'm an immigrant myself. Um, so I was helping immigrants to either apply their degree to here in the states are going back to school. And part of that was writing resumes. So if someone's coming from another country who worked a job that doesn't really exist in the states, I had to word it a specific way. So it would fit the job that they're looking for, or a lot of them start as volunteers. So let's say you want to do well interior at a library at your school, how to turn this volunteering job into something that's presentable and applies to the job that they're trying to get. Um, that, that was part of my job for some time. Speaker 2 00:15:27 It's really funny. I was, when were, when you were talking about those skills and putting them together, I was like, I bet you marina would be really good at Penn. And then you said what she said, that's hilarious. That's awesome. How, how did that transition, uh, to where you are, uh, come about them? Speaker 3 00:15:43 So I was an educational consultant for a long time, and eventually I started getting people, um, who were seeking my advice on education, but they were coming from divorces because there are a lot of, uh, people who are stay at home parents, um, who don't have any education, or they have not worked in their field for many, many years. So, you know, they would come to me in the, and they say, well, I just got divorced. And I, you know, I worked, uh, as a, as an accountant twenty-five years ago, what can they do? So it started like that. And, and, and this sort of transitioned into just life coaching because it's not really educational consulting. And, and also if someone is going to college, doesn't matter what the age is. College is so expensive nowadays. It's a major financial, financial decision for a family. Speaker 3 00:16:40 So I started coaching more, um, you know, w what can you afford? How is it going to affect you? That means, you know, you will probably have to get two jobs. And so when, so, so life coaching turned, it turned into life coaching. And then I started getting a lot of people going through divorces and could be partially because I, myself went through a divorce at that time, uh, abouts I filed about six years ago. Um, and I, when I first immigrated to the states and those trying to find a job, uh, I lived in new Orleans. Um, I had the period where I've tried different things, and I finally landed a job at a law firm. So I worked in a law firm, uh, as, as a legal secretary and they specialized in divorces. So I kinda, you know, knew a little bit about it. Speaker 3 00:17:40 I took some paralegal classes, uh, and then going through my divorce, I gained a lot of experience. And, uh, unfortunately my divorce was not one of those easy ones. It lasted about a couple of years. My, my ex-husband, uh, is a lawyer himself. So divorcing a lawyers is very complicated and challenging. Um, so I think after that, I started getting a lot of clients who were going through divorces. And even though I positioned myself as educational consultant and maybe life coach, all of their questions were about divorce. And I'm like, oh, this must, that must be a sign I need to evolve. And yeah. And I became a divorce coach. Speaker 2 00:18:25 Awesome. Do you, uh, do you think, uh, that, cause I, I, I hear a lot of that, uh, whoever stays home with the kids, you know, with the, how you were talking about, you know, I had accounting 25 years ago, you know, do you think some of that might change with the changing landscape of, you know, after the pandemic, when people are staying home, uh, working from home much more, do we think, do you think there'll be, uh, more possibilities for people to, uh, I don't know how to ask that question. Yeah. To reenter and to, I guess, to change the way it's been in the past. Speaker 3 00:19:01 I see a lot more opportunities. Definitely not only was just looking for work, but also studying because some, I mean, if you haven't worked for 25 years, that's it, there is a pretty high chance. You probably need to go back to school at some point, do a refresher additional certification. Um, and that's available online nowadays. And the system of education is changing as well. Now, a lot of community colleges offer bachelor degrees, so it's a lot cheaper, more affordable. So more people are able to do that. And they're really investing in, um, online education. And with that, I assume that will be a lot of online jobs as well. Um, I teach on the side, that's my hobby. I love teaching. So I usually, uh, teaches and that junked a few hours a week in colleges. So this semester I'm teaching at a community college and I teach a course at school, the success course where I teach students how to be successful in the studies and in life. And we do basics on, you know, financial budgeting and relationships. Yeah. Um, it just a lot of different things. You learn how to figure out your own career and you learn your, your personality style and things like that. Speaker 2 00:20:28 Very important class. That's awesome. I like that. That's awesome. Speaker 3 00:20:33 Uh, but you know, our community college invested a lot of money and online education and with that also come online jobs. So I see a lot of it, a lot of options, um, just because majority of my clients are female. Um, I see a lot of them, uh, and risk children. I get a lot of clients with children then that's why the complexity comes in. Um, I see a lot of them with, um, kids with medical and special needs, and that becomes really difficult because that's the situation I was in, uh, where I, even if I would want to, I cannot work a typical eight to five job because I have to attend to my children. Um, so we, I mean, if I get a client who has a question about what can I do, because I cannot work a traditional job, I can come up with ideas. We really look, we do personality tests. We, we will look at things that this person enjoys and try to find, uh, what you know, they can do. Speaker 1 00:21:45 That's awesome. I love that stuff by the way. That's just like, that stuff gets me. It's, that's the, that's what gets me excited. Like analytics. I like everything. Job hunting. Speaker 2 00:21:57 Yeah. It's funny. Cause I mean, even like the paralegal and the service like this, a lot of what you say sounds very familiar to, you know, somebody else I know around here. Speaker 3 00:22:09 Um, well, I mean, a lot of people have side gigs nowadays, right? Hustling is a, is a big thing. And for some of them, especially in the beginning, so when someone was married for 25 years and was a stay-at-home parent, they don't know what kind of person they are have become. Right. I mean, they know what they like when they were 20. Uh, so I usually ask them like, do you know what you want to do? And they're like, oh, I don't know. I really need money. I need to survive. I don't think it's a good idea to just go and get a degree, because there's a high chance that you may choose something that later you'll find out, oh, this is not me anymore. And then you invested all this time and money and I would ask them like, what do you like to do? Oh, I kind of like this and that and this. And, but they, you know, it was like, okay, you just try all these things as side gigs and see what's going to work out what you're going to enjoy at some things may evolve into something else. Um, and then you'll figure it out. Yeah. Smart. Speaker 1 00:23:17 I love it. So let's talk about the, not quite so fun stuff. What, what is it about your job that is hard or that you, maybe you don't like? Speaker 3 00:23:28 So I think for me personally, and that's where my autism comes in, um, balance is extremely important for me. And I also, I realized that my, uh, level of functioning on a daily basis is probably lower than a neuro-typical person. Right. The, the, the stuff I can process and work through is pretty low. I get overwhelmed, I get stressed and I really need to keep myself in balance because if I get into that state where I'm like, I'm on the meltdown, I can do things that I'll be horrified later about with, you know, like quitting jobs, Cohen clients, like I'm like, um, cursed at one of my bosses one time. I think majority of situations when they quit, my jobs were the result of this is because for one reason or another, it was so disbalanced. And at some point I was like, that's it. Speaker 3 00:24:37 I can't, I can't handle it anymore. Yeah. Uh, it took me many, many years to figure this out and come to a point when I have a very specific structure. Uh, if I work for someone it's boundaries, very, very rigid, I would say boundaries. And unfortunately, a lot of people, uh, don't believe in them or don't respect them. It's not, I wouldn't say it's not respect them. I think they're so not used to people setting boundaries. So when I have a job interview and I talked to my potential boss, I tell them these are my boundaries. And they were like, oh yeah, like they, they just don't believe that this person is actually setting boundaries in the job interview because I'm the boss. And like, whatever. So when I worked for them and a situation comes up where they asked me to say, oh, you're going to work this weekend, eight hours on Saturday and six hours on Sunday. And I'm like, well, remember that time I set a boundary. Uh, and, and, and, and they would not regard it. They would disregard it. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, so that's, um, that's one of the reasons why I also always considered self employment. Um, and with self-employment that's the same situation will be, I don't have other people to set boundaries with except for myself. So I have to set boundaries with myself, um, Speaker 2 00:26:09 Actually listen to yourself, probably, hopefully Speaker 3 00:26:14 For the most part. And sometimes there are things out of my control, unfortunately. Um, I have, I'm a single parent and I have two kids and both of my kids are autistic and both have additional medical needs. And sometimes they get sick. Um, last year, my oldest child was veteran for three months. She couldn't walk. So I have to adjust a lot of things around, um, around their needs. Right. And, and, and you never know she got sick. She ended up in the hospital and the surgery. You can't really plan that. So these things can be overwhelming, even it was boundaries that I set for myself. Um, so the way I deal with that is I limit the number of clients. I'm not making as much money as I could have made, but this is what I need to do for myself to stay balanced. Speaker 3 00:27:13 Um, so important. But I mean, there are situations when it's just like everything at once. Uh, and so what I do, I practice yoga. I learned yoga. I did myself, um, you know, go for a walk. Um, things like that. I would say they work 90% of the time. There's always that 10% that, that I just lose it once in a while. Sure. Yeah. We know all about that. Um, but being self employed, that's, it's, it's, it's balanced because there are clients who only can see on weekends and I have to figure out what I'm going to do with my kids on the weekend. And, you know, clients who want to, you know, especially with divorces, they're like, oh, I can't talk to you in front of my, my, uh, partner. I need, you know, the only time I keep calling is like midnight, but when I'm going to sneak out for a smoke, you know, but really it's going to be a phone call. So I sometimes have to adjust my schedule. And that probably is the only challenging part of my job is, is not having set hours, which, which is original, was something I looked for, but it kind of backfires on me as well. Sure, sure. One of those good and bad things. Speaker 1 00:28:34 So we've talked a lot about, um, how much you like to help, like that's the driving force for you is to help people. Um, and I know for a lot of us, myself included, um, being helpful, sometimes overrides the need to, um, enforce payment, I guess, for people, especially, you know, when they're going through a hard stuff, how do you draw that line? How do you, how do you make that work for Speaker 2 00:29:01 Yourself? Yeah. We know you don't bring a bat to work with you. I'm assuming. Speaker 3 00:29:06 No, I don't though. Sometimes I want to, um, so I think making people pay when you're, self-employed in the helping profession, it's a, it's a big challenge for a lot of people. Yeah. Um, and, and that took me a while. I made a lot of mistakes at the beginning also, you know, being too helpful and then, or, or people telling me, oh, I don't have money to pay you and, you know, helping them. And then I see that they bought a new car or, you know, something of that sort. So I guess I had to reprogram myself and I've heard a lot, and it's a cliche phrase, but when people say, if you really want help, you'll find money for it. I found that a lot of times. That's true. Um, okay. So obviously there is a percentage of people who are truly, uh, you know, in a horrible situation, they have no money. Speaker 3 00:30:08 And usually these are abusive situations. So I volunteer for free for a non-profit organization in Texas that helps women who end up in the abusive situation. And I would do, um, one or two free, uh, phone calls. And if someone reaches out to me and they, th th it's truly a situation when they're cut off everything, they cannot drive. They're not allowed to drive and things like that. Uh, I would reroute them to that organization and they're able to talk to me through the organization, uh, but any kind of private client who is able to pay, um, I it's the same boundaries. I, I set strict rules and they have to pre-pay. So my thing is you prepaid at least for an hour. So some facilitations that I have, they may, uh, maybe long, because you never know how fast, you know, how, how fast you will be able to, uh, help both parties agree. Speaker 3 00:31:10 So there is a sort of prepayments or facilitation. I would ask them, you have to prepay for two hours in advance and pay the rest later. Um, and private clients. It's, uh, you know, if it's an hour, you just pay and then set an appointment, um, with facilitations, when there are both parties present, that gets trickier. Because technically, I mean, if you look at the fairness of a situation, they have to split 50, 50, but I've had a lot of situations where, uh, one party gets pissed off and they're like, whatever, I'm not going to pay. So I had these situations before, and we covered that prior. And I'm saying, if this happens, one of you will have to, to cover. And then you sort this through with your spouse, I don't want to get stuck in the middle. Um, there is a contract, if a lot of facilitations are done online right now. Speaker 3 00:32:11 So I do like a little recording and they save it where they, you know, I'm telling them, you must be aware, this is what's going to happen. Um, I wouldn't say I had a lot of situations where I partially did not get paid. Uh, but, but there were a few, there were a few, I had a facilitation a few days ago where, you know, the husband told me he's going to pay me. He's 50%. And he didn't. So the wife send the money, uh, and they're trying to work that through between themselves, but that's, that's a real situation. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:32:47 That'd be hard though, because if you're, if you're a facilitator, you're supposed to be unbiased. And if one person is paying you on one person is not, it's hard to, to, um, to show, you know, that you have been unbiased. Right. Like, Speaker 3 00:33:03 Like, and that was the question from, from the husband, because the wife was the one who found me. Yeah. She was the one who prepaid. So obviously he had a question. Yeah. And, you know, I have my rules of ethical conduct and I tell them this, these are my ethics. You can look up reviews about me. All of my business depends on how trustworthy I am. So obviously I would not want to be biased or lie to you or whatever, because I'm gonna lose my business. Um, so when I stayed all these things, it's up to the person to decide to believe me and go ahead with this. We're not, yeah, Speaker 2 00:33:45 There's a little bit of trust that has to happen. So we, um, uh, before we talked a little bit about, um, how autism can hinder you at work and some of the, um, uh, things that you do to help yourself, um, the more enjoyable part, how does autism help you with your business? Speaker 3 00:34:06 Um, how does it help me? I, it's really difficult to me to say if this is specifically autism or just me. Okay. I am judging by what I've read. Uh, you know, the research I've read because some of the characteristics are usually described as, um, autistic characteristics. Um, so I think my, the way I see things, a very different how things are structured and how they're organized, I see differently. Um, and I would even say sometimes I see, uh, you know, like if you, if you imagine an idea and most people see the outside and I have the autistic vision, like I can see all the layers. Yeah. That's how I usually explain it. Um, so w when I was younger, I had so many issues with that, with the way I viewed the world. Um, I really loved reading and writing, and I, you know, took a lot of classes in college where we had to write essays. Speaker 3 00:35:14 We had to read a book and analyze, and I always had so many troubles because everyone would write this essay and analyze it in this one way. And I was the only one who saw it in a different way. And, you know, and I didn't get great teachers, unfortunately. So they would argue with me, I've had that exact thing happen. Yeah. So that was a non-issue for me when that was younger, but I sort of turn it into a good thing later because, um, I realized, well, I'm able to do this. So I, in some people appreciate that. So if I find people who appreciate that, that could be my job. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, I mean, these were my experiences and, um, eight, it helped me when I was teaching. I think being able to have that different point of view, I mean, I get the neurotypical point of view. It's, it's easy. Like if you, if, if, if I'm teaching something, you open a textbook and, and this is the analysis, right. Like, I know this plus I can see, oh, it can be this way or that way or that way. So, um, I had kids in my class who were special needs and, uh, I had that autistic kids as well. So it was, um, I guess, helpful for me to be able to validate everyone and every different point of view. Um, Speaker 2 00:36:42 Awesome. Yeah, yeah, Speaker 1 00:36:46 Yeah. Speaker 2 00:36:46 I get all the time. I get people pissed off at me for, you know, they'll give me an opinion and I'll give, you know, I'm, you know, I'm like, I guess I'm just playing devil's advocate, but not really. It's like your onion layer. It's like, I'm just, I can see things in multiple. You ha you have to look at multiple things. You can't just be like, Hey, this is what's, you know what I'm experiencing? So it must be this I'm like, well, it could be that, or it could be these other 98 things, you know, you don't know for sure that if that one thing you're looking at pisses you off, then why don't you try any of these that make you feel better? You know, it's like, they're all valid, like, yeah, Speaker 3 00:37:21 Yeah, yeah. So I, and I've always been drawn to, to alternative things since I was a kid. And that, that's why I'm so into alternative education. And when I speak alternative, I'm not talking about alternative schools for behavioral issues. It's more of a non-traditional approach schools, progressive schools. And I've read a lot of, um, research on, you know, how they teach, what they use in class. Um, I've tried it in a regular public school in my classes, and I've personally found them successful, but they were so far out for my admin that, you know, they would OK me to do things. And the first year they would come and observe and like, huh, what? And they, you know, and second year that's when it would be like, oh, wait, really enjoyed the first year. But, you know, let's, let's just kind of wrap up on these things and do what everyone else does. Speaker 3 00:38:21 Um, but being able to use a lot of alternative things and the way I viewed the world, I felt that it helped connection with students and on all of the evaluations I had, um, at the end of the school year, that was my, that was the, the highest one for me is I'm able to connect because I'm able to connect to all of them, not just the part of the class. Yeah. That's awesome. Um, it's a big positive of autism is being able to see from all this different views. Um, another one, I kind of think it's, it's part of autism is, um, I can see how different people have different ways of, uh, learning, absorbing, acquiring information. Um, traditional school is usually built for audio sequential learners, cause it's a lot of talking and a lot of sitting and, um, that I don't myself. Speaker 3 00:39:31 I don't learn this way. I can not, I actually have APD, uh, I'm not fully officially diagnosed, but my audiologist suggested that. And, you know, we don't have a lot of services for adults. Unfortunately, kidding, diagnosed as an adult was all these things is really complicated, but I have, I have issues with auditory processing. Um, so, you know, it's, uh, from what I understand, it's a common comorbidity was autism. And, you know, having that helped me to communicate with people, especially teaching, being able to offer them variety of different learning, uh, you know, opportunities, not just like, oh, listen to me. I use a lot of video. I use a lot of like tactile things. Um, sort of like Montessori, I guess, because Montessori believes in oldest different ways of learning Speaker 2 00:40:27 Kind of stuff. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:40:29 So let's wrap up with, uh, your best advice. Um, well you could be talking to people who just learned about their, uh, their autism, maybe people who are just starting the workforce or even autistic people who want to be self-employed, what would you T what would you tell them? Speaker 3 00:40:48 So my advice will be, um, probably first to figure out what your threshold is in regard to your own balance. Okay. So it doesn't matter whether you work for yourself or going to work for someone else too. And especially like, if you're an adult, you probably already know how much you can take. Yeah. And work with that instead of pushing yourself and kind of trying to fit yourself into more, a traditional model. Like I have to work eight to five and, you know, when everyone works on the weekend and that's what I have to do instead of that, just figure out what your threshold is, uh, what your balance is, and then set boundaries yourself and other people as well. And it's a very, um, risky and also brave thing to do. I think because sometimes it may end up in a loss of a job, but if you continue doing that, eventually you will get to a point where you either work for someone who really respects you and you have a really high quality of life, or you work for yourself when you created the right environment and you will thrive in that environment instead of completely, you know, uh, just stressing all the time. Speaker 3 00:42:08 Um, and I'm on the path to that. I've had moments, days, weeks of experiencing that. Um, it's not perfect. Obviously there are things I can not control, but being able to kind of stepped into that even for a little bit and feeling what it's like. Uh, I was like, yes, this, this, this is how it goes. And, and, and that's, that's my advice to, to be brave enough to try that out and see if it works for you. Speaker 1 00:42:43 Um, are you willing to, um, tell our listeners how to find you? Uh, do you have a website or socials that you'd like to, that you'd like to give Speaker 3 00:42:54 Us? Yeah, I, I, I might. So my regular website and it's divorced to coaching website, although I do have us all kind of issues and questions, education, life coaching. Um, it's just like my name it's marina, Mick Adam, it's M a R I N a M C a D a m.com. Uh, and I'm on Facebook. It's marina, McAdam divorce coach. Uh, I do have a group on Facebook and that's also the name of my Instagram at, at divorce forward. So that's my group. How cool. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much. Speaker 1 00:43:34 Sure. Is it okay if we put all those links in the show notes so people can just easily find them. Okay. Awesome. Perfect. Awesome. Thank you so much for being with us. We had a really good time hanging out with you. Definitely. Thank you, marina. Speaker 3 00:43:45 Thank you. I really enjoyed it as well. Speaker 1 00:43:49 Thanks everyone for being here. Uh, we really enjoyed, uh, hanging out with our guests today. If you want to be hanging out, Speaker 0 00:43:57 Um, you know, you do come, come over to Carr breast phase.com and click on the podcast and put your name and email and we'll get right back to you. That's right. Yeah, that is right. Have a wonderful day.